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Candid Guest

Why I Need An Authentic Friend In My Life

| February 8, 2018
True Friends are something every gal wants... read more in this post by Julie Loos

As I stood in front of my dryer, pulling out another heap of clean clothes, I wistfully looked out the window. It was another day of the same chores, PJ Masks and following the demands of my toddler.

Even though I had a list of things to do and a toddler keeping me on my toes, I felt alone.

Sure, I could climb in the car and head to the library or the grocery store. My longing was more than being around people, it was a connection in a deeper level with another Christian woman.

Someone who got me, I mean really understood me.

We have a full life, busy to the max and yet we feel lonely.

I desire times spent with a friend at my counter sipping coffee and talking. A companion when I have to go to the grocery store, or someone who is available to just physically talk throughout the day.

Maybe I’m looking for a respite from the mundane of life, someone who can share in my struggles and commiserate when I’m questioning my feelings. Someone to encourage and inspire me to grow in faith.

Do You Have A Friend Like This?

Although my husband is one of my best friends, I desire to make a deeper connection with another woman. My husband doesn’t feel what I do and his emotions and makeup are vastly different from mine. Maybe it sounds cliche, but I’m still searching for my best friend forever.

I chuckled when my teenage daughter wanted to give her best friend one-half of a necklace because it seemed so cheesy and juvenile. But what if our greatest longing is to make a connection with someone of the same gender who we can’t live without?

Maybe this sounds so grade schoolish…but deep down, don’t you want a friend like this?

True Friends... be the friend you want to have.Can you admit, you’re lonely like I am?

Where Are You, Authentic Friend?

Here’s the thing, I’ve had friends that compete, try to one-up me and hide behind their mask. I’m not looking for you. I want something more. As Anne of Green Gables said, I’m looking for my “bosom buddy.”

One study showed that those with the greatest amount of Facebook friends actually had the least amount of in real life friends. And here I thought it was me with her small number of Facebook friends.

As we age, we lose a lot of friendships. Jobs, families and the busyness of life can cause these relationships to be put on standby and they disintegrate.

As we grow wiser, women desire to find deep, connecting friendships so their circle of friends lessens to a few really great relationships.

Why Do We Need True Friends?

As older adults, true friends can become more important than family. Those elders who have strong connections have better health and happiness than those who don’t. One study showed that not having meaningful relationships can cause premature death.

Reality is, I put off my friendships while I was having kids. It was only natural to focus on the caring and raising of my kids. Now that my kids are older, it’s hard to make connections. Those relationships that grow roots and last beyond basketball season or Little League.

Honestly, I’ve felt that my lack of quality connections is due to something within me.

However, as I was learning more about this, many adults are lonely. With social media and the busyness of our lives, most people don’t regularly get together with friends.

What I’m starting to think is that if I want this type of relationship, I’m going to have to leave my comfort zone and make an effort to find these relationships.

How To Be An Authentic Friend To New Friends

  • Embrace your friend as they are.
  • Celebrate highs of your friend’s life. Comfort the lows of their life.
  • Inspire them.
  • Encourage them in faith.
  • Make them feel good.
  • Keep their secrets.
  • Travel with them through life’s valleys and mountain-tops.
  • Cheer them on.

If you’re feeling lonely, I urge you to seek out the type of friend you want in your life. Be the friend you’re looking for. That person isn’t going to show up at your door, you need to put in the time and commitment to make it happen.

We need other women cheering us on and embracing us during the seasons of life. We need a bosom buddy!

I’m still looking for my BFF, but I know eventually I will find her.

What About You?

Do you have a bosom buddy, or do you have any friendship suggestions, secrets, or struggles to share? We would love to hear from you in the comments below!

Julie Loos

Julie Loos is the mom of 5 kids and has been happily married to Greg for 17 years. She loves to read, eat chocolate, drink iced tea and spend time writing in the midst of messes. You can find her blog at

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