My daughter, Olivia turned 19 months today. She is a beautiful little girl who loves to sing along to her favorite songs on my playlist (No Longer Slaves, Resurrection Power, Headphones and Hanging On by Britt Nicole are just a few of her favorites), dance when music comes on, and go for walks at the beach with me. The only thing is, is that at 19 months she isn’t really walking yet. She can do it. She has walked across our house more than once, yet she seems to lack the confidence to walk that she has when she is holding my hand. How many times have we gone for a walk and I will try to let go to give her the opportunity to walk on her own, but she will either reach for my hand to gently hold on, or sit down and crawl.
She is definitely my daughter, because I struggle with that too. I understand too well the desire to not want to fall, the want for steadfast confidence to not stumble.
Maybe the confidence shouldn’t be in the walking itself, but in the knowledge that even if we do fall, that our good good Father will be there to pick us back up, just like I would be if Olivia fell when learning to walk.
My Own Lack Of Confidence
Years ago, I used to work in retail. There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night and be convinced that I didn’t lock the door or turn on the alarm. These nights I would actually get out of bed, in the middle of the night, drive to work and make sure that all the doors were locked and that the alarm was on. I had no confidence in what I was doing. I always second guessed myself.
It was during this time that I decided that I needed to kick this confidence thing to the curb, because this confidence issue was more of an indicator of my spiritual walk, than my ability to remember if I locked the door to my job or not. But I knew that the confidence that I needed wouldn’t come from having the confidence in myself but in the confidence of my heavenly Father.
Where does your #confidence come from? Your ability to second guess yourself or your Heavenly Father? (…Guess which one lets you #breathedeeper?)
This was about the time that I felt like God was asking me to do something that didn’t make sense. I felt like He had asked me to step back from some… okay most of the areas that I was serving in at church. In a way I felt like He was asking me to give up things that He had given me, and at first, I didn’t want to listen because I was serving Him, and serving Him is a good thing! But slowly I started to obey, I started to step back. I didn’t know why but I just couldn’t do what I was doing anymore. I just had to have the confidence that He was God, and that He had a plan and a path… I just had to follow.
Trust & Obey
I remember the tough conversations I had to have with the people I served under.
I remember wondering if doing ministry was over for me, and that scared me. The hardest thing to do is obey when you don’t know what the road has before you, and when everything human in you says “have it figured out”.
But as I obeyed, I realized that He wasn’t asking me to give up things that He had given me. He had in fact used this to allow other people to step up and serve in areas that they were passionate about. And He allowed my schedule to open up so I could focus on what I had a growing passion for. Women, thriving because of Jesus, because they know they are loved by a wonderful Creator, a God who would sacrifice His only Son so they can know the extent of His love. This was a passion that I had prayed for. The passion for something that I couldn’t not do something about. And this is the passion from God drives everything I do in ministry now.
But What If I Fall?
However in discovering and going after my passion, my fears have gone from fearing that He had nothing before me, to continually wondering how on earth I would ever accomplish what He had asked me to do. I still ask that question.
Maybe like Olivia questions walking with confidence.
How can I walk when I don’t know what is ahead? How can I keep taking those steps when I could fall? What if I fall?!?
Those questions can stop me in my walk. But just like Olivia can have the confidence not first in what I am calling her to do, but who I am and that I will be there every step of the way… we need to have the confidence first in who Jesus is and not what He has called us to do. The call is not what we should be trusting in but the One who says Come, walk, I am there every step of the way until the end of time.
As I am finishing this post, I sent a text message to a friend that said You did what He asked, and look what He is doing. And I think that message if for you too.
Do what He asks, having the confidence because of who He is, and see what He will do.
Where Do You Need To Excercise Confidence?
Is God calling you to trust in Him? Is He calling you to take a step of faith, even if it means you could fall? Could you relate to Jessica’s story in some other way? We would love for you to join the conversation in the comments below.
If you liked this blog post, keep your eyes open for our upcoming book, Candid Conversations, where Heather Hart, the founder of Candidly Christian, has partnered with 25 other Christian women. While each story shares a unique perspective, the prevailing theme is that we all struggle, but there is hope to be found in Jesus. Coming August 13th, 2018. Kindle edition now available for pre-order.
P.S. My daughter Olivia found her confidence and started walking!!!