This may come as a shock but when I first got married I vowed never to have children. Not that I have anything against kids but I didn’t grow up amidst them and I was a career woman, focusing my skills and time on copy writing. Until…
God Changed My Heart
Our weekly Bible study which we hosted at our home began our journey through the Book of Genesis. By the end of the 52-week study (yes, it was that in depth!) the Lord impressed upon me that I should have children (yikes!). I was a young married woman with dreams. What of that?
So, I told the Lord before I went to bed that night, that if He wanted us to have kids then He must place that desire in me. I fell asleep disturbed, not quite knowing if I was being irreverent. When I got up the next morning the first thing that popped into my mind was that I wanted to have children. And that I wanted to have five! If I had nightmares that shook me to the core and thus changed my thinking, I didn’t remember it. What I’d recall is that I had such peace overcome me when I got up. But I was afraid to tell my husband (also a career-minded man, although he is now Jesus-minded, thank goodness!)
Sure enough, our first child was conceived a few months later. But if you think that it’s been a rosy road, nothing could be farther from the truth.
A Blessing Gone Bad
A few weeks into my first pregnancy my OB/GYN told me something dreadful. I’d gone to her office to have the usual heartbeat and hormone level check. But this one was different from the first few I had with her. She made me sit down and told me that the baby in my tummy was dead. It had stopped growing and all my hormones levels had reverted to the pre-pregnancy stage She said this was not unusual. Many women have miscarriages, in the first months. I was still young, and could try again after a few months.
She also explained that if I chose not to have a DNC (a cleaning out of the remnants of the baby parts etc. that may still be lodged inside me, or an induced abortion to clear the womb,) I could get an infection. Complications like this could result in me becoming infertile for future pregnancies. She told me to come back after I schedule the DNC at a nearby hospital.
I went home confused and distressed. Why did God want me to obey him, put a change and a desire in my heart, have a baby, only to result in this? But the same God that lives in me and placed that desire walked me through my ordeal. In a still small voice He reassured me not to have the DNC. In obedience I went back to the OB and told her my decision, to her disappointment.
The Miracle I Never Expected
A few weeks later when I went to the OB again and she checked me, to see if I got an infection etc, she calmly told me, she didn’t understand it, but the baby had started growing again. I almost fell off the chair!
If I had followed her advice my first-born son would never be.
Was it a rosy road for my husband and me after that? Far from it. But that’s another blog post altogether. I did learn one important lesson, though.
That when we can hear God we will always do the right thing. And that He can be trusted, no matter what the circumstance. The enemy of our soul comes to steal, to plunder, to kill, but we have a living God who nudges us to safety, to hope, to goodness, and to life, more abundant… just as Jesus said in John 10: 10.
One verse the Lord reminded me again and again in our walk is, “If He is for me, then who can be against me?” (Romans 8:30) So true, indeed. Hallelujah.
So, did the Lord give me the desires of my heart? I leave that for you to answer.
Where is Your Heart?
Has God ever changed the desires of your heart, or do you have a testimony of God’s goodness? Share it with us in the comments below.
Until we meet again, my fellow Believer in Christ, the Lord shower you with His everlasting and overpowering love.