Confessions of a Perpetual Quitter

| March 27, 2017

Never give up, that’s the encouragement Candid Gal, Jessica Schneider, is sharing with us today.
Please join us as we welcome her to our blog.

Being a Christ follower is hard. That is something a friend of mine used to say when I began coming back to church. I secretly disagreed with him because my newfound freedom in Christ made my life so much easier!

Over the years though, I have found that in some aspects, my friend is right. You see, I am a quitter. Growing up I never followed through with anything.

When I took dance, I quit because I didn’t want to perform on stage in front of the crowd. Fear.

I quit color-guard in high school. Insecurity about not being good enough.

I quit theater group because I was shy. Fear again.

I quit sailing because I was made fun of when my arms weren’t long enough to reach down off the dock and fill a bucket of water. Insecurity again.

The list of things I quit could go on and on. Piano. Viola. Sports. My Jesus. Yes, when I went to college I turned my back on my Jesus. I guess you could say it was about the desire for acceptance. But unfortunately, I found what I thought I desired in all the wrong places, and it wasn’t what I desired at all. I desired a place to be known, a place to be loved, a place where I belonged, and a place where I never wanted to quit.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’
And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’”

Isaiah 6:8

After years of trying to make it on my own, I finally returned to the place I never really wanted to quit or leave. The arms of Jesus. Very early on after I returned to Him, I experienced His love in ways I could have never imagined. I felt like Isaiah when I fearlessly told God, “Here, I am. I will go anywhere you lead. Send me.” And I meant every word of that prayer… until the hard times came and I wanted to ignore His leading.

never give up and share your storyWhen I prayed in fearlessness, I didn’t account for my fears of failure and inadequacy, my insecurities, and worries of disappointment. More than once, that initially bold and sincere prayer has become has seemed like the scariest prayer I have ever prayed. You see, although I have come a long way since my childhood days of quitting everything, the desire to quit can still emerge when things get hard. In fact, as I was writing trying to write this blog post about not quitting, I have wanted to do just that.

“My eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty”
Isaiah 6:5

A year after I began to truly follow Christ, I was asked to give my testimony at a retreat. It was one of those requests that I knew I had to accept, but it scared me because I would be explaining how God transformed my life in front of almost 90 people and that would require sharing some big mistakes and deep hurts.

Would my story make a difference? Would I stumble on my words and fail? Could God use it to impact the lives of others? Would He be glorified? Would putting my life on display be worth it? Why can’t I just go on with my life following Christ without sharing the struggles that I have been through in the past? Can you hear the fears and insecurities in my thoughts?

Before I gave my testimony, I knew that I had to be as open and vulnerable as I could, but when I walked up to the microphone I almost cried. I wanted to quit. I could have just walked out, packed my bags, and driven home. The retreat would have continued.  But God quickly gave me strength that could only have come from Him to share about my struggles.

I shared about the emptiness I felt when I lived a life apart from Him and about the joy and peace that came with following Him. As I shared my story, I could see the pain in some of the women’s eyes. It was a look that let me know that my story was their story. My struggle was their struggle. The God who healed my heart was working to heal theirs.

After I shared my story, a girl came over to me in tears. She asked to talk to me. We sat in the cold outside as she told me that my story was her story and she has the same struggles I had. She wondered how God could ever forgive her. Her growth in Christ took off after that and today she is a strong Christian woman. My eyes have seen the King, Lord Almighty.

“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world”
John 16:33

This verse gives me comfort, because following Jesus isn’t easy. Jesus Himself says that it won’t be easy, and that we will have trouble.

Trouble makes me want to quit. Fear and insecurity make me want to quit. Worries about failing make me want to quit.

Quitting would be easier.

But Jesus promises that He will overcome the world, and that promise covers all my fears of failure, my worries about not being good enough, and my anxiety about being disappointed. When I lean on Him, His love reaches deeper than my desire to quit, and gives me the strength and courage to follow where He leads so I can stand back and behold all He is and again say, My eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.

Beautiful one, I know it’s hard, and I know how easy it would be to turn your back and walk away. But when we are obedient and follow where He leads, He is glorified. So, keep on praying those bold scary prayers. Rest in His strength. Lean into His security. Allow Him to give you the courage and bravery you need to follow His path. He has something beautiful ahead.

God, thank you. I constantly stand in awe of who You are. I have seen Your glory. Forgive me for always wanting to quit, it is not my true desire. My desire is to follow you. Be my strength, as I am weak. Give me courage, as I want to run. Grant me Your security, when I am overcome with disappointment. My deepest desire is to live for You. Here, I am. I will go.  Send me. In Your precious Son’s name. Amen.

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28 Comments

  • Reply Heather Hart March 27, 2017 at 8:06 am

    I can so relate to your struggles, Jessica! Thank you so much for these encouraging words.
    Heather Hart recently posted…An Open Letter to Christian WomenMy Profile

    • Reply Jessica Schneider March 27, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      Thank you Heather. Keep being faithful in doing His good work.

  • Reply Terri March 27, 2017 at 8:51 am

    it is hard to be a christian but the reward is out of this world. I think about heaven and I cannot wait to go

  • Reply Amy Christensen March 27, 2017 at 9:04 am

    Seems like a lot of us struggle with these same sorts of insecurities. Thank you for sharing your struggle and the victory you have had as well. – Amy

    • Reply Jessica Schneider March 27, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      The more women I talk to, the more i realize how many women struggle with this and the more I realize how good our God is to see us through! ☺
      Jessica Schneider recently posted…Dreaming Of ThereMy Profile

  • Reply Andrea March 27, 2017 at 9:51 am

    God don’t want us giving up on Him or our walk – cos’ He don’t give up on us!

  • Reply Megan Herrmann March 27, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Beautiful commentary on the very real fears involved in quitting! Great reminder!!

  • Reply Jaime Hampton March 27, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing, Jessica! Your words were such an encouragement to me. Thanks for sharing your own journey and for pushing through even when it’s hard. May God bless you and your ministry!
    Jaime Hampton recently posted…BirthMy Profile

  • Reply Marcee March 27, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    You never know who you can bless with your testimony. Keep up the good work!

  • Reply Amy Hagerup March 27, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    I love how the Lord uses our struggles to help others. It’s all about Him and how He grows us through all these trials. Thank you for sharing.
    Amy Hagerup recently posted…The Antidote to Being Too Busy: 10 Tips for Becoming More FocusedMy Profile

    • Reply Jessica Schneider March 28, 2017 at 6:41 pm

      Yes! One of my favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

  • Reply Maria Hass March 29, 2017 at 12:49 am

    Our testimony is so important because for some people it’s the only evidence of God they see! I’m glad she shared her testimony because I’m a quitter too. It encouraged me to not give up now.

    • Reply Jessica Schneider March 29, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Thank you for your comments! This encouraged me :)… keep putting one foot in front of the other!
      Jessica Schneider recently posted…Dreaming Of ThereMy Profile

  • Reply Kristi March 29, 2017 at 1:24 am

    Jesus promise of overcoming the world is one of my favorites because it puts my heart so much at ease.
    Kristi recently posted…Me, a Prodigal?My Profile

  • Reply Andrea March 29, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    God don’t give up on us – we should never give up on ourselves or on Him!

  • Reply Melissa Wentzel Horan March 31, 2017 at 10:11 am

    Fellow quitter here. Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica! I am a sensitive soul with thin skin and, to be honest, my sensitivity has served me and the Lord well in some ways. It has also, however, caused me to quit, rather than dusting myself off and trying again. As we prepare for Easter, I have been thinking a lot about Jesus in Gethsemane . He could have given up; he was tempted to give up; he decided not to give up. His example reminds me that the most amazing things happen when sensitive souls press on in faith.
    Melissa Wentzel Horan recently posted…What’s Making Me Happy This WeekMy Profile

    • Reply Jessica Schneider April 1, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      What I love about that moment is that Jesus says “Father if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will but your will be done.” That is so bold. What was before Jesus was hard. Really hard, but He did it. You are right, He is such an example when we press on in faith.

  • Reply Ruth @ plantedbylivingwater March 31, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story here, Jessica!
    Thanks for not giving up!
    Glory to God!

  • Reply Lisa notes April 1, 2017 at 8:44 am

    Thanks for your honesty here, Jessica. I’m sure we all can list things we’ve quit through the years. (And now and again quitting is a good thing! ha). But learning to persevere instead of quitting is a strong life lesson. I’ve recently read “Grit” and it really emphasizes the importance of not quitting. Although it wasn’t a spiritual book per se, as believers we can draw lots of important lessons from it
    Lisa notes recently posted…On the Blog – March 2017My Profile

    • Reply Jessica Schneider April 1, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      Thank you for your comment and for the book recommendation. I agree, sometimes it is good to quit, at His leading. There have been some things I have had to give up “quit” in following Him, and not bad things either 🙂 I have found it is best to be in prayer with what is in front of us to ensure we are persevering where He wants to lead us, or to walk away from what He is asking us to walk away from. Both can be hard 🙂
      Jessica Schneider recently posted…Dreaming Of ThereMy Profile

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