Let’s Get Candid

| October 17, 2016

My mom used to tell me that I was a people person. I thrive on relationships with others. Connecting with others and getting to know the real them, I love it.

And God has used that in my life in some major ways.

Most notably, He has used the honesty of others to help me grow in Him. 

Candid Christian Women

The first time a Christian woman admitted to me that she didn’t have it all together, it felt like a huge burden was lifted.

Looking back, this woman whose confession changed my life, wasn’t just any Christian woman in my eyes.

She was our pastor’s daughter-in-law, super fit, and a stay-at-home, super mom who was part of the worship team and an international missionary. I’m telling you, she was everything a good Christian should be from my stand point, and she knew her Bible inside and out.

And then she confessed that she struggled with depression.

That she questioned her faith because of an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness.

This was my super woman, and she struggled just like I did.

Another time the woman who hosted our weekly women’s Bible study confessed that her house wasn’t always as clean as it was when we arrived. In fact, she said if we showed up unannounced at any other time during the week, that it would be a wreck.

Again, a huge burden was lifted.

Not because I rejoiced in their struggles, but because it made me realize that struggling was okay.

Who knew it was okay to be less than perfect?

Her candid confession was a balm to my soul.

Many other candid confessions have followed. Some of them speak to me, others make me hurt for the women who are going through them all alone.

When I’ve shared my own candid confessions with other christian women, I usually get one of two responses.

Encouraging Support or Utter Condemnation

Sometimes well-meaning Christian women come across the wrong way. Most of them don’t mean to, but it happens from time to time.

And it happens often enough to make us scared to get candid.

Because this is the first post on this website, I want to take the time to let you know that this is a safe place to get candid. We won’t be publishing any harsh comments directed at other commenters or our bloggers. If you want to get judgmental, go for it. I’ll listen, I promise to read it, I just won’t post it for everyone else.

Candidly Christian is designed to be a safe haven for women who are ready to get candid.

We are Vulnerable

Just because we are on the other side of the computer screen doesn’t make us any less flesh and blood, and it doesn’t make your words hurt any less. In fact, sometimes it can make them hurt more.

We can’t see your tears.

We can’t see your beautiful smile.

We can’t hear the emotion behind your words or the tone of your voice.

All we get are your words.

Write them with love.

 

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24 Comments

  • Reply Debbie McCray October 19, 2016 at 5:45 am

    Heather… Transparency is how we draw closer to each other and to Jesus Christ. When we pretend to be something we are not, we squelch who God wants us to be! Without recognizing the struggle, we can’t fully appreciate the victory. Thank you for a blog that gives us the context of real living in real faith!

    • Reply Heather Hart October 19, 2016 at 7:46 am

      “Transparency is how we draw closer to each other and to Jesus Christ. ” < == Debbie, I love that! It's so true. Heather Hart recently posted…Sep 13, When To WorryMy Profile

  • Reply Stephanie Carter October 19, 2016 at 8:45 am

    As I read this I thought “Why do we as women need to be candid anyway?” As I thought about it I realized because its in the openness, realness and being who you really are that you are healed. It’s in COMMUNITY….and that sneaky enemy we all fight doesn’t want us to be healed or to help each other heal so he keeps us in private and hiding and the dark..not being candid. So I say… bring on the openness so we can all heal and move on in the things of God and give Him glory. Great article.

  • Reply Stephanie Carter October 19, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Just loving this site so refreshing and nice place to be on the internet
    Stephanie Carter recently posted…25 Great Books You Need to ReadMy Profile

  • Reply Sarah Jean Althouse October 19, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    I need to be more vulnerable and open about my struggles. Sometimes I try to hide them away but it’s only through sharing that we can help each other and grow in the Lord together.

  • Reply Andi October 19, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    God can use us in so many different ways

  • Reply Jaime Hampton October 19, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    I think naming our struggles and confessing them to each other robs them of their power over us. Satan would love for us to believe the lie that we are alone or unique in the things we wrestle with on a daily basis. It makes me think of 1 John 1:7- “but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” Not everything we struggle with is sinful in itself, but some things have the potential to be if we leave them in the dark because we are ashamed. I love that I get to be part of this community where we can walk in that light together!!

  • Reply Sheila October 20, 2016 at 11:18 am

    Authenticity is what makes our story relatable. In my life I have found through my struggles the gift of empathy and compassion is what I can use to help others. I have struggled with self- identity, weight loss ,a brother with mental illness, sexually abused and divorced. However, through all of these struggles God has allowed me to help other women who have or are struggling with the same issues. It is true that God trades ashes for beauty and he doesn’t waste a thing. We all struggle with something even Jesus struggled when he sweat drops of blood. We all carry scars it is what we do with those scars that matters the most .

  • Reply Alice Mills July 3, 2017 at 11:53 am

    I think that is one of the hardest things about being a blogger. We expose ourselves for God’s glory, because we feel the call. But it is scary to take that leap. When people are disrespectful it is painful!
    Alice Mills recently posted…You Are What You Eat: Communion ReimaginedMy Profile

  • Reply Erin July 3, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    I’m so glad that you wrote this. I feel that The Church is not just desperate for Titus two women but also trans parent women. In this time of social media, when we only show our best online, we all have this driving need to attain a level of perfection that is simply unattainable in this world. It causes us all to feel like failures. But God…
    Erin recently posted…It’s time: Put your big boy britches on!My Profile

    • Reply Heather Hart July 3, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      But God…. Amen! God never meant for us to hide our failures. He called us to lay them at the feet of Jesus and come along side of one another. We can’t do that when we are worried about maintaining a certain image.
      Heather Hart recently posted…The Beautiful Chaos of SummerMy Profile

  • Reply Andrea July 3, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    SO important that we keep it real – with ourselves, with others, and with God

  • Reply Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard July 3, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    I get this! I’m the kind of person who seems super confident and as if I have it all together – and it took a long time to realize that acting like I have everything under control was pushing people away. I thought people would reject the real me – I learned that some will but those people aren’t worth worrying about and the people who need to hear my reality will be drawn to me!
    Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard recently posted…Is Christ in your Social Media Message?My Profile

  • Reply Tara July 4, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    We all need a little more honesty and transparency in our lives. It’s so refreshing to find true friends who can be themselves with us and vice versa!
    Tara recently posted…Teaching Math and Science Isn’t Rocket Science…It’s Ministry!My Profile

  • Reply Kristi July 6, 2017 at 7:23 am

    It is so important to be real with each other. Satan uses this idea of perfect perfection against us. Only Christ is perfect and it’s only through him that our imperfections can even start to be perfected.
    Kristi recently posted…I Was Caught Clamming UpMy Profile

  • This is a safe place to where Christian women can get candid. We won’t be publishing any harsh comments directed at other commenters or our bloggers. If you want to get judgmental, go for it. I’ll listen, I promise to read it, I just won’t post it for everyone else. Candidly Christian is designed to be a safe haven for women who are ready to get candid. We retain the right to moderate our comments as we see fit. By submitting a comment below, you hereby grant us the irrevocable, non-exclusive right to edit, delete, copy, adapt, modify, publish, broadcast, and/or distribute the submitted content on this website and/or other material created by us.

    Remember: From our side of the computer screen, we can’t see your tears. We can’t see your beautiful smile. We can’t hear the emotion behind your words or the tone of your voice. All we get are your words. Write them with love.

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