Why I Need An Authentic Friend In My Life

| February 8, 2018
True Friends are something every gal wants... read more in this post by Julie Loos

As I stood in front of my dryer, pulling out another heap of clean clothes, I wistfully looked out the window. It was another day of the same chores, PJ Masks and following the demands of my toddler.

Even though I had a list of things to do and a toddler keeping me on my toes, I felt alone.

Sure, I could climb in the car and head to the library or the grocery store. My longing was more than being around people, it was a connection in a deeper level with another Christian woman.

Someone who got me, I mean really understood me.

We have a full life, busy to the max and yet we feel lonely.

I desire times spent with a friend at my counter sipping coffee and talking. A companion when I have to go to the grocery store, or someone who is available to just physically talk throughout the day.

Maybe I’m looking for a respite from the mundane of life, someone who can share in my struggles and commiserate when I’m questioning my feelings. Someone to encourage and inspire me to grow in faith.

Do You Have A Friend Like This?

Although my husband is one of my best friends, I desire to make a deeper connection with another woman. My husband doesn’t feel what I do and his emotions and makeup are vastly different from mine. Maybe it sounds cliche, but I’m still searching for my best friend forever.

I chuckled when my teenage daughter wanted to give her best friend one-half of a necklace because it seemed so cheesy and juvenile. But what if our greatest longing is to make a connection with someone of the same gender who we can’t live without?

Maybe this sounds so grade schoolish…but deep down, don’t you want a friend like this?

True Friends... be the friend you want to have.Can you admit, you’re lonely like I am?

Where Are You, Authentic Friend?

Here’s the thing, I’ve had friends that compete, try to one-up me and hide behind their mask. I’m not looking for you. I want something more. As Anne of Green Gables said, I’m looking for my “bosom buddy.”

One study showed that those with the greatest amount of Facebook friends actually had the least amount of in real life friends. And here I thought it was me with her small number of Facebook friends.

As we age, we lose a lot of friendships. Jobs, families and the busyness of life can cause these relationships to be put on standby and they disintegrate.

As we grow wiser, women desire to find deep, connecting friendships so their circle of friends lessens to a few really great relationships.

Why Do We Need True Friends?

As older adults, true friends can become more important than family. Those elders who have strong connections have better health and happiness than those who don’t. One study showed that not having meaningful relationships can cause premature death.

Reality is, I put off my friendships while I was having kids. It was only natural to focus on the caring and raising of my kids. Now that my kids are older, it’s hard to make connections. Those relationships that grow roots and last beyond basketball season or Little League.

Honestly, I’ve felt that my lack of quality connections is due to something within me.

However, as I was learning more about this, many adults are lonely. With social media and the busyness of our lives, most people don’t regularly get together with friends.

What I’m starting to think is that if I want this type of relationship, I’m going to have to leave my comfort zone and make an effort to find these relationships.

How To Be An Authentic Friend To New Friends

  • Embrace your friend as they are.
  • Celebrate highs of your friend’s life. Comfort the lows of their life.
  • Inspire them.
  • Encourage them in faith.
  • Make them feel good.
  • Keep their secrets.
  • Travel with them through life’s valleys and mountain-tops.
  • Cheer them on.

If you’re feeling lonely, I urge you to seek out the type of friend you want in your life. Be the friend you’re looking for. That person isn’t going to show up at your door, you need to put in the time and commitment to make it happen.

We need other women cheering us on and embracing us during the seasons of life. We need a bosom buddy!

I’m still looking for my BFF, but I know eventually I will find her.

What About You?

Do you have a bosom buddy, or do you have any friendship suggestions, secrets, or struggles to share? We would love to hear from you in the comments below!


Julie Loos

Julie Loos is the mom of 5 kids and has been happily married to Greg for 17 years. She loves to read, eat chocolate, drink iced tea and spend time writing in the midst of messes. You can find her blog at www.unmaskingthemess.com.

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17 Comments

  • Reply Julie Loos February 8, 2018 at 6:53 am

    Thank you for the opportunity to share with Candidly Christian! I am blessed by your ministry!

  • Reply Stephanie Carter February 8, 2018 at 7:39 am

    My goodness I could have written this…. I really could have written this. This is a struggle for all women and if we say it is not so we are not telling the truth. If we have a truck load of friends I can assure you they are not all authentic…Women relationships are hard. We have so many walls and insecurities. But to have a friend that gets you “bosom buddy” yes would be wonderful. I have not found that yet either. Still looking. I have a one women and that is very very close to me like a mom she is my best friend but we have a lot of differences too and she is in a different separate category by herself because she is just that awesome. I love her dearly but I do want a bfffffff friend. LOL. Great article.
    Stephanie Carter recently posted…The Intentional LifeMy Profile

  • Reply Emily February 8, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    I just love this. I have someone I call my best friend (aside from my husband), but we live nearly an hour apart, and she’s busier than I am, so I see her maybe once a month. I’ve been feeling this exact loneliness you’re talking about, and it can be really hard at times. I’m so thankful for this encouragement, though! 🙂
    Emily recently posted…God loves us exactly the way we needMy Profile

    • Reply Julie Loos February 8, 2018 at 7:25 pm

      Emily- I’m so glad you have such a great friend!

  • Reply Jessica Schneider February 8, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    This… So much… This! Someone who put my heart into words. I have struggled the past few years with this, and God has been showing me the true beauty in true sisterhood. It is a gift.
    Jessica Schneider recently posted…When You Know Who You AreMy Profile

  • Reply Alice Mills February 8, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    You know, friends are easier to find than peers. Finding women who are equally yoked is quite a challenge and very valuable!
    Alice Mills recently posted…The Intense Vulnerability of GodMy Profile

  • Reply Melissa February 9, 2018 at 7:59 am

    This has been an area that I have admittedly struggled with. I’ve had many times where I have felt lonely and wished I had a Christian female friend to share and talk with.
    Melissa recently posted…Utilizing Rewards in ParentingMy Profile

  • Reply Christina February 9, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    Such a beautiful post and one I can really relate to personally. I struggle with this myself. Being a military family and keeping a hold on friendships is hard when you move every few years but I love what you said…”be the friend you’re looking for” …when we are what we desire it will attract the right person in our lives. Thank you for being so candid!

  • Reply Heather Hart February 9, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    One of my biggest struggles when it comes to building friendships is I always assume that other people are too busy for me. I never want to bother them. But in truth, friends don’t worry about bothering each other, they just reach out. They call. They show up. They get involved. Until I can let myself break that barrier with someone, I will never have a real, deep friendship.
    Heather Hart recently posted…A Little Something Jesus Taught Me About ParentingMy Profile

  • Reply Sarah Geringer February 10, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    Loved this post, Julie and Heather. I look forward to my small group meetings every Thursday night. If I didn’t have this standing commitment, I’d be missing out on friendship every week. Blessings to you both!

  • Reply Cheryl Gerou February 11, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Visiting you from the Grace and Truth link up. I think that you write the feelings of the hearts of many women. Friendships are so important to our lives. Our hearts need the special deep connection that close friendships can give. Praying that the Lord will bring you a heart-to-heart in-your-life friend. Blessings!

  • Reply Katie Braswell February 12, 2018 at 9:52 am

    I love all these ways you’ve pointed out, Julie! My favorite is embracing who your friend is! Accept who they are right now. I love when others feel comfortable being genuine with me. It allows me to be just as genuine!
    Katie Braswell recently posted…Grace: Forgiveness and Redemption is Available for EveryoneMy Profile

  • Reply Linda Troxell February 14, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    I am so thankful that in this area God blessed me more than I could have asked for, certainly more than I deserve. I’m not going to say that I could not live without my best friend because truthfully the only thing we need to survive is God. But, when it comes to my needs in the natural world, I would find it almost impossible to live without her and I do not want to imagine it. Lisa and I met in the 7th grade and have been best friends for 50 years. I’m talking about the see each other every day, talk on the phone too, know everything about the other and everyone in each other’s lives, aunts to each other’s kids, share everything but our mates, finish each other’s sentences kind of best friends. We went to school together, were in each other’s weddings, our first children were born almost exactly 1 year apart; we went through each other’s labor together and our first grandchildren were born 6 months apart. Our friendship has lasted through births, deaths, long stretches when we were physically separated and times when we lived under the same roof. And in 50 years we have not had one single fight or serious argument. That is an amazing fact. Most people find it difficult to believe and some, I know, think we are lying about it. But I explain that we have no reason to fight or argue because we each hold a core belief regarding the other; that we would never deliberately do anything to hurt one another. When you are absolutely sure about that there is no reason to fight or argue. So, I think that my best friend is one of the greatest gifts God has given me. She ranks neck and neck with my family, just a millimeter below my child and grandchildren, way above my husband (divorced) and I love here as much as I am capable of loving a human on this planet.

  • Reply Deidre Pestanio February 14, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    Most of my friends or at least my best friend died of cancer. 2 of them did. I tried very hard to find just one but I actually had someone say she had enough friends. Thing is I didn’t even mention that. I tried to join things but found that people grouped up and I sat there. I think I’ve given up. I don’t understand the things that are happening to me. I too, long for my great friend that was right there for me even when we were kids. We went everywhere together. I ask God why are you taking so many away from me. My mom is ill now too. My friends and I had the best times. I do miss them.

  • Reply Aimee Imbeau February 15, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    When I think about friends, one thing that keeps me held back is the idea that once I make myself vulnerable, that friend will eventually part ways. Not because of my vulnerability, but just because that is what seems to happen. So, I’ve been very careful with putting myself out there. I don’t want to get hurt again AND finding a Godly friend is nearly impossible – someone who can challenge me in my faith. Thanks for sharing your heart here and on Grace and Truth.

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