Who Cares For You After You Care For Everyone Else?

| June 4, 2018
Who cares for you while you care for everyone else?

Have you ever had that moment in life where something hits you so square in the face, right between the eyes, one of those moments that took your breath away and it made you think?

That happened to me recently. I was going about my normal daily activity, minding my own business and in the middle of my day the Lord met me in a very normal way through a very seemingly normal question that was asked of me. The question should have been easy to answer but it wasn’t. I was so taken back that I sat in stunned silence for about 30 minutes trying to form some sort of answer.

The moment began like this: I was having a conversation with someone who was carefully listening to me talk about a dear friend of mine who recently got diagnosed with cancer. I was talking about how I desired to help this friend through her diagnosis and treatment in the future. I wanted my friend to know that I would be there for her as she healed from cancer surgery.

Who Cares for You?

As I finished talking about a few ways I wanted to bless my sick friend, my waiting listener and caregiver to me asked me some questions.

She asked me, “Who cares for you after you care for everyone else? What makes you happy what do you love? What fills your cup?”

Wow!

I felt a cold chill up my back and my face squirmed and my eyes blinked and I looked up at the ceiling and then around the room. I couldn’t answer the question.

My throat was dry and my mouth wouldn’t open. I had no answer.

3 Self-Care Questions to Ask Yourself

But, I thought I did. I kept waiting for my mouth to respond. I just looked at her and she stared at me and said, “You need to answer that. You need to find that answer and be okay with answering it.”

She left the room as I waited for her to finish her business for me.

The question changed me in a way I didn’t expect. I was taken back. I was quiet. My mind kept searching for the answer or answers. Yet, I had no answer.  Or so I thought. Nothing. I thought I knew. It should have been easy. I know myself right? I know who I am, I do. I know my purpose, my call, what I like or love. But yet, I couldn’t answer these questions for myself.

I’m a life coach and I ask these questions to my clients. Yet, when it was asked if me I couldn’t really answer it. Why? I didn’t know the answer. But yet I did.

The answer was easy. It was in my heart. It was just hard to say out loud.

3 Self-Care Questions To Ask Yourself

I ask these questions of you as well.

  1. Who cares for you?
  2. What do you love?
  3. What fills your cup?

My answer was simple. But, before I give it to you. Let me explain why it was so hard to answer: I had shame. I was ashamed to still love the things I loved, to admit no one cared for me after I gave out to everyone. I felt some kind of way about it but had never explored that part of my life since divorce. See, the stigma of being divorced, having someone divorce me had snuck up on me and made me feel ashamed to admit some things.

I love, love, love being married. I was so good at it. Keeping my home for my husband and family and my life as a married person gave me joy. I loved grocery shopping and cooking and just being loved by someone special. I had gotten to where in my soul I stopped letting myself love that because I felt I could never have that with him again. And I got sucked in to what society says about “moving on” after divorce.

I kept trying to move on, but my heart didn’t budge. Maybe you have the same situation or something entirely different and your heart is still deeply in love with the person you know you were fated to be with. Maybe you loved your former life and just need to tell it to someone. I didn’t even do that. I let people put me in a box and basically shut that part of my heart down.

The other thing I love is puppies. Silly, I know. But I love puppies and small dogs that stay puppies and because of divorce I can’t have one. Not yet. That hurts. Because I need something to love. To care for.

It’s Okay To Be You

We write here at Candidly Christian in a transparent way to help others of you. We share our souls in hopes that our story or part of our story will heal a reader. That it will touch you in some way to be a better version of you.

I got a wake up call that day with my “random” conversation. I learned it’s okay to love what I used to love and it’s okay to talk about that part of my life. Why? Because it is still a part of ‘my’ life.

Because we have tragedy and pain and have lost much we can still love the things we lost. You can still find love in the lost-ness. Be encouraged. Maybe you need to go back and reevaluate. Answer the questions above. What do you love? What fills your cup? Who cares for you after you have cared for everyone?

Selah.

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19 Comments

  • Reply Keisha Russell June 4, 2018 at 11:18 am

    This is so very important and great questions to ask. I will be reflecting on this during the day!

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 4, 2018 at 4:56 pm

      thank you.. it is important. We as women take care of a lot of others and forget ourselves.

  • Reply tiffany June 4, 2018 at 11:29 am

    A good mentor of my life recently pointed out that Jesus said “love others as you love yourself”… if you don’t love yourself you really can’t obey that!

  • Reply Jenny Gericke June 4, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    These are great questions to ask yourself! I often struggle with give and take…as in I give to much to others and forget to take something for myself. It leaves me exhausted, worn out, and bitter. I love that you talk about shame. Its not shameful to ask for help or admit the things you need. Going now to answer these questions for myself!!
    Jenny Gericke recently posted…Trusting God is Good When All You See is PainMy Profile

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 4, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      Thank you so much. I didnt even think that I had an issue with the questions.

  • Reply Melissa June 4, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    Such great questions to ask! As a therapist I ask people hard questions all day long but sometimes I forget to ask myself them, too. It’s so necessary and important for our own growth!
    Melissa recently posted…Understanding Proverbs 31:10-31 – A Roundup of ResourcesMy Profile

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 4, 2018 at 4:59 pm

      yes it is great for our own growth which gets overlooked a lot

  • Reply Julie June 4, 2018 at 5:03 pm

    Great questions to ask ourselves. I tend to give and give and don’t ask for time for myself to refill.
    Thank you for this great post!

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 4, 2018 at 5:06 pm

      I think we all do this… its shocking when we realize that we are that way and have the power to take it back.

  • Reply Alice Mills June 4, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Ouch! My husband occasionally cares for me. But as a caregiver I have had to learn the fine art of self-care.

  • Reply Susan Evans June 4, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    I love your vulnerability. I wouldn’t be able to answer those questions either. No wonder I’m depleted right now!
    Susan Evans recently posted…How to Make an Ice-Cream Cone CakeMy Profile

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 5, 2018 at 6:54 pm

      you could.. take time and think about it… its important to answer it or you may not self care.
      Blessings

  • Reply MJ June 4, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    I love this! As someone who is virtually independent it’s so important to ask. Is Jesus filling my cup. Am I allowing his Word to heal and take care of me? Thanks for this post!
    MJ recently posted…SatisfyMy Profile

  • Reply Doris June 5, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    Great article. I love Stephanie’s writing style.

    • Reply Stephanie Carter June 5, 2018 at 6:41 pm

      Thank you… I got it from Holy Spirit…. lol He is the master writer.

  • Reply Ann (Neethu) June 6, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    Those self-reflective questions need to be asked daily to re-examine if our hearts are in the right place..

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