Confession: I struggle with wanting to be enough. I always have. I want my life to matter. But I have a bigger desire than wanting to be enough, how I look to others, wanting my life to matter. I want my life to bring Him glory.
This past Fall I was smacked in the face with the hard truth. I was not good enough.
It is quite a humbling thing when this happens. Humbling, but really hard.
Being A Christian Woman Is Hard
My character was in question, my dreams were on life support, and my weaknesses were burying me.Her character was in question, her dreams on life support, and her weaknesses were burying her… Click To Tweet
I had people coming up to me and telling me what was happening behind my back (and that is never a good thing).
And then, I dared to say to an outsider, to someone who doesn’t know my God, “He doesn’t look very all-mighty, and all-powerful right now. He doesn’t look very faithful.” He definitely chose the wrong girl to follow Him, as my endurance was quickly dwindling.
I knew that His ways were better than mine, but if I am honest, although I didn’t doubt that He knew what He was doing, I struggled with how everything felt so uncertain.
I had thoughts like:
- What am I doing with my life?
- What else is being said about me?
- Who believes what is being said?
- If I was more like “this person” or “that person” then everything would be easier for me, everything would be more certain.
I remember being in my kitchen and having the realization hit me that I could no longer fight this battle. It was too big. It was too much. If I believed God was my defender, then I had to let Him be my defender. I had to let Him be God.
I have always been fascinated by the part of Moses’ story when he sees the burning bush.
Moses was tending to his father-in-law’s flock. He had led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to the mountain of God. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire, in a burning bush, and Moses noticed the bush wasn’t burning in the fire so he went over to it. When God saw that Moses took notice of the bush, He called out to Him, and Moses replies “Here I am.”
But then God says to not come any closer, and to take off his shoes because he was standing on holy ground. And when Moses realized it was God speaking to him, he hid his face in fear. (Paraphrased from Exodus 3:1-6)
What fascinated me about this was that God asked Moses to take off his shoes.
I have thought a lot about this, because why do you wear shoes? To protect your feet, right? I mean, I will barely go into the ocean without shoes on my feet because I am afraid of what my feet with touch (that is unless the beach is really sandy). There are some scary things in the ocean! And I wear slippers a lot of times in my house because I am afraid of stepping on a Lego piece that could be laying around.
Take Your Shoes Off…
But here, God was telling Moses to take off his shoes. You take off your shoes because you don’t want to bring dirt into the house. On one of my trips to Rwanda, we visited a prayer room. They made us remove our shoes before going in.
So maybe this was God saying to Moses, Don’t come to me with the dirt. Let nothing stand between you and I. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. Hear me. I am God.
So, God tells Moses, that He is sending him to bring His people out of Egypt. And Moses was like, but Who am I to bring the Israelites out of Egypt? (I can hear so much of myself in Moses’ question… I am not enough, you chose the wrong person.)
And God doesn’t answer his question, just assures Moses that He will be with him. The questions continue, and here is God’s response.
“I am has sent me to you. Say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’
“This is my name forever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation.””
Well, when it is put that way.
There are times in my life when I put on a dress, do my hair, and put on heels because it makes me feel more confident, but this was different. This time, I needed to take off my shoes. I needed to let nothing stand between Him and I. I needed to surrender. To let Him fight my battle. I needed to let Him be God.
And He was because He is.
Here’s the Thing…
Was it hard? Yup.
Was I scared? You bet.
But I will tell you that His hope really does never disappoint.
When you be still and know He is God, He takes the uncertainty and gives you peace. And then He makes the way for you to move forward step, by small step.
Yes, it may hurt, yes, you may be scared, but take the things off that separate you from being vulnerable with God. Is it fear? Disbelief? Uncertainty? Because He will be there. He will be your strength when you are weak, and He will be God.
Related Post: 3 Truths To Remember In The Valley
Join the Conversation
We would love to pray for you. What is standing between you and God right now?What is standing between you and God right now? Click To Tweet
Related Resource for Christian Women
This 90-day devotional invites every woman to be anchored in His presence. Where we go, He goes. Where we stay, He stays. As you travel about your days and navigate this thing called life, its important to stop and take time to be with Him. These moments are never wasted. When your days are demanding or your world feels chaotic, it’s never too late to draw back and rest in the shadow of His wings. The Daily scripture, short inspiring devotional thoughts, and guided prayers will lead you to the heart of the Father every day where there is always hope for your heart on this faith journey. It’s time to drink from His well, regain your energy, and be reminded of our eternal hope and joy in Jesus.