One bad year turned into two and before I knew it, we were creeping up on five years of misery. Sure we’d had some good times, but secretly our marriage felt like an episode of Marriage Bootcamp. Hard and full of drama.
Marriage was a bigger challenge than I’d ever imagined. I’d gone into it with pretty simple expectations: He’d make me happy all the time. When he didn’t, I got angry and bitter. I was sad. I got mean.
He wasn’t meeting my need for emotional intimacy. I didn’t meet his need for physical intimacy. Talk about a hot mess.
I’d go days without speaking to him, and even considered having an affair. I acted like a spoiled child, and fantasized about divorce. It was bad. I didn’t know much about God, but if He was good as everyone said He was, I couldn’t believe He’d want me to be in an unhappy marriage.
“God is love, right?” I rationalized. He’d want me to be happy.