When Mother’s Day isn’t Happy

April 27, 2017 |
When Mother's Day isn't Happy

Let’s talk about Mother’s Day… If you are a woman you may or may not love this day. But, we probably all have some childhood memories of this day when we celebrated our own mothers or mom-figures.

Mother’s Day is a great day to honor your mom or the mom of your life. But that doesn’t mean it’s always happy.

When Mother’s Day is Hard

My biological mother passed away in August of 1990. I was deeply hurt by her leaving me for Heaven. We were just coming into an adult mother/daughter relationship. I remember feeling that time stood still for me when she died. My heart felt broken in a million pieces for a lot of reasons.

I was left in a family with a father that I felt didn’t love me and only one sister. Our relationship was strained. I had no family. I felt alone.

The first Mother’s Day was so hard.

I’m sure many of you have been there at Mother’s Day. Some of you reading this have lost a mom, too. Some of you have been a mom and lost a child. A pain I never wish to bear. My heart goes out to you.

Some of you hold pain for different reasons. You are a mom and your children are estranged from you. Or, you are a woman that had an abortion and Mother’s Day is a reminder of what you lost and can never have. Maybe you long for a child, but either can’t conceive or carry to term.

Life without a Mom

I was asked to write this article to talk candidly about Mother’s Day and at first it was hard. Why?  Because, we all like things nice and neat and wrapped up pretty with a bow. For some, there is no bow. No wrap. No nice. But I didn’t want to damper the holiday for anyone. I just wanted to be there for the others of us that struggle through Mother’s Day.

Since my mom died before I got married and had my own kids, I was afraid to be a mom. I wondered how I would even know what to do with my own kids. Who would I ask things, get advice, talk over stuff, babysit my kids and more.

I finally did get married alone, no mom. Then I had kids, no mom. It was so hard at times to figure things out but God really helped me. As time went on, I actually became a great mom (I am my own cheerleader). I love my sons, who are a great joy to my life.  I learned to become a mom and God taught me things my mom would have taught me had she been alive.

New Mother’s Day Memories

When Mother’s Day came, I had my own children and the day was not so hard to get through. My kids made it special for me. Mother’s Day took on a different meaning for me. I had to learn to have new memories. To look at each year as the gift I was given. I was with my children and they were creating memories for themselves. I got to keep my memories of my mom and my children and move on. Thanking God for the gift of both memories was special to my heart.

Did Mother’s Day get better? Yes! So did my perspective of the honored holiday. I hope it is a great day for you as well.

No matter what you have gone through or are going through this Mother’s Day, let the love of your mother, your children, and others honor you. We may never get back what we had but that is okay. New memories can be great memories, too.

Where’s Your Heart This Mother’s Day?

Where is your heart set this Mother’s Day? Are you preparing for a happy one, or hurting deep inside? Do you have a favorite Mother’s Day memory or a strong memory of a painful one? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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Stephanie Carter is an author, Bible teacher, a certified forgiveness coach with Forgiving Forward ministries, and the mom of two sons. She is a passionate lover of Jesus Christ. She has her Doctorate in Theology and resides in the Atlanta,Georgia area. Her purpose in life is to instill discipline, integrity,and uncompromising spirit within women in their covenant marriages and lives.

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  • Reply Maree Dee April 28, 2017 at 10:08 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, holidays can hurt especially when we are missing someone. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Maree Dee recently posted…Who Has Your Back? – Part Two

  • Reply Stephanie Carter April 28, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    Thank you …. Mothers Day is better . God is faithful thanks for your comment. Have a blessed day.

  • Reply Andrea May 1, 2017 at 9:53 am

    This will be a painful Mother’s Day for me – it will be the first one without my mother….

    • Reply Stephanie Carter May 1, 2017 at 12:55 pm

      I have been there. I am sorry. Praying that you get a special blessing this Mother’s Day..

    • Reply Stephanie Carter May 5, 2017 at 8:41 am

      I am so sorry. I lost my mom she died young at 44 the is very young… didn’t get to be an adult with her Praying for you.

  • Reply Heather Hart May 1, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Stephanie. My pastor always says that the Mother’s Day sermon is always the hardest for him to preach because he knows there are so many emotions attached.
    Heather Hart recently posted…Whitewashed Christianity

  • Reply Stephanie Carter May 1, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Yes I can see that… I think it is harder than most realize. Moms hold special place for all women and men and children and its hard day more than a good day I suspect.

  • Reply Amy Christensen May 1, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Stephanie, it is so hard to lose someone, especially a mom. Thank you for sharing your heart and for reminding us that God is faithful and He can fill all the voids that we have. Hope you have a Happy Mother’s Day.

    • Reply Stephanie Carter May 1, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Thank you .. I will be just fine this holiday.. just going with the flow.. and read my own blog.
      enjoy my two sons.

  • Reply Susan Evans May 1, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    Glad your Mother’s Day got better for you within your own family, with your kids’ happy faces to look at!
    Susan Evans recently posted…How the Judicial System Works

  • Reply Terri May 1, 2017 at 1:53 pm

    Mothers Day is unhappy for a lot of people which hurts my heart. Thinking of you

    • Reply Stephanie Carter May 1, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      thank you so much.. God is faithful.. If you are a mom have great day too

  • Reply Tara May 1, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    I am blessed to have my mom. I’m planning to spend the day with her this year. I’m a mom too, but I want to honor my own mom as long as I can!
    Tara recently posted…Never Underestimate the Power of Worship for Moms and Babies

  • Reply Kristi May 2, 2017 at 9:32 am

    We will be praising God for the mothers he gave us and the time we have had with them.
    Kristi recently posted…Road Trip Tips: Traveling with Little Ones

  • Reply Mary Hill May 3, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    I am so blessed to have my mother still, and she lives on the same street that I do. I lost my dad in 99. I was close to him. I had just moved back home to be near him. I was a school librarian and told hi to plan a weekly day trip in the summer. He died in May before school ended. Thank you for sharing. I am your neighbor at Writer Wednesday.

  • Reply Karen Woodall May 3, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    My mom is still alive, but much older, and I live far away. Every year, i feel a little regret for not being around…esp now since my dad’s health is declined and I can be near to help. I have my own kids and love that they celebrate me and our family, but do feel a twinge of sadness too. thanks for sharing your heart.

  • Reply Hannah May 3, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    That must have been so hard to not have your mother around. Death of a close family member is just an awful thing to go through.

    • Reply Stephanie Carter May 3, 2017 at 7:50 pm

      It is awful. Sometimes i miss her so . She missed all my moments…marriage, my children birth, graduations. Etc…but I endure. Thank u.

  • Reply Deanna May 4, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    This will be my first mother’s day without my mom, who passed away in November at only 56. I think it will be harder for my children than for me, simply because I felt like I had lost our connection so very long ago. I continually strive and pray that I am always there for my children and that they know how much I love them. Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply Carmen May 5, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    Thank for sharing something that once brought pain to you but now Mothers Day gives you joy. Sorry for your loss, I am blessed to still have my mom. It is very hard to watch some of my friends that have had lost their mother, a child, or that struggle with infertility. It breaks my heart. God made us to desire being a mother and when we feel loss in that area, it hits so deeply. It was a blessing to read you be so candid!! Blessings to you on this Mothers Day!

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