Sometimes we are seeking God with everything we have because we need Him to do something for us. Then He shows up, and brings relief. Other times, we are happily doing our own thing… and He shows up. We don’t like being inconvenienced.
I was born and raised in Venezuela, under a secular feminist household with a list of very proud single moms behind me, although some due to widowhood and not by choice. I also always had a loving, supportive Dad for weekend fishing trips and camping. The expectations set of me were the same any woman in the world would dream for her daughter; to grow up, finish my education, and become the top in my field. My parents believed I was smart enough to do anything.
By God’s grace alone I got saved at 15 years of age and developed a relationship with Christ where He guided me with a firm presence into adulthood. This threw a monkey wrench in all my mother expected of me.
As a young college student, the Holy Spirit clearly guided me into only paying my way through college with scholarships and grants. Then I got married very young and moved away with my husband. Although the plan was for me to finish my degree we got pregnant so early in the marriage, and so frequently, that I pushed college aside to work and make ends meet.
Fast forward eight years and we have lived in Alaska for a while. All my children are in elementary school. I’m finally going back to college long-distance, working full-time, and we are plugging along as an average American family.
Yet deep inside, I felt a little empty. That guiding presence of God that had profoundly marked my teenage years was missing, and that made the Lord into more of an Emergency Responder than a friend. I confess I was quite used to God showing up when I cried out for help to undo whatever mess I made.
I did not expect that I would be at a Women’s Retreat, in tears, when He would show up first and uninvited!
She looked normal on the outside, but inside she felt empty. Have you ever been there?
“I want you to stay home with your children and homeschool them.”
That hit me like a punch to the gut and only made me cry harder! It was not what I wanted to hear. In fact, it was so distinctly different from everything I ever knew that such a thought could’ve only come from God! But before I protested…
“If you want to serve Me, you need to start with what you’ve neglected – your first and most important ministry, which is to your husband and your children.”
And while I was flooded with conviction, repentance, and grace, this verse came to mind:
“See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” ~ Isaiah 40:10-12 (NIV)
The Truth of It All
I saw a God that did not value me based on my productivity, my job title, my degree or my income. And suddenly, the heavy chains of all those expectations I was raised with started to fall off my shoulders.
It would be awesome to say I immediately quit my job and pulled my kids from school, but that would be a lie (and not a very good thing to do on a Blog titled “Candidly Christian”, now would it?). But I leave all of you godly women who are wrestling with this decision in prayer with a loving warning:
The longer I took to align my heart and my actions with His, the more my life fell apart! Everything: From the kids at school, the job, the college classes, even my health! Until broken and on my knees nine months later I said, “I’m done doing things my way, God. I’m ready to do Your will.”
Now I love this stay-at-home-mom life! Not necessarily because the circumstances are perfect, but because His peace is perfectly with us through every situation. I wouldn’t trade this for all the money in the world.
I understand that not every woman is called to be a stay-at-home wife, or even homeschooling. Regardless, Jesus has a plan and a purpose for you, and it’s not just to save you from hell (although that’s great!). Just like He needed me to minister to my children in a way no one else could, you have a roll in His Kingdom that no one else can fill!
What is God calling you to do? Is there anything holding you back from taking that leap of putting faith to action? I would be honored to encourage you and pray with you.
Maria Hass was born and raised in Venezuela until communism forced a migration to South Florida, where she married her high school sweet-heart. After more than a decade of a happy marriage, they have three children, two dogs, and a bunny. A job opportunity led them all the way to Alaska in 2009, and by faith they braved the 6000 miles and four time zones away from everything they’ve ever known. In 2013, Maria’s life changed drastically again, which started a confessions-based blog about homeschooling, health, and a real faith-based life – all within the backdrop of Alaska living.
“I’m the image of imperfection. But it’s still worth your read: You’ll discover that for every area where I fall short, God’s grace provides! He always shows up and works things out in spite my failures.”
Maria’s mission is to use humor and sincerity to encourage other moms towards the grace and mercies of Jesus Christ, and to not to be so hard on themselves through this journey. You can find her online by visiting https://mariahass.blog