Have you ever had that moment in life where something hits you so square in the face, right between the eyes, one of those moments that took your breath away and it made you think?
That happened to me recently. I was going about my normal daily activity, minding my own business and in the middle of my day the Lord met me in a very normal way through a very seemingly normal question that was asked of me. The question should have been easy to answer but it wasn’t. I was so taken back that I sat in stunned silence for about 30 minutes trying to form some sort of answer.
The moment began like this: I was having a conversation with someone who was carefully listening to me talk about a dear friend of mine who recently got diagnosed with cancer. I was talking about how I desired to help this friend through her diagnosis and treatment in the future. I wanted my friend to know that I would be there for her as she healed from cancer surgery.
If you are anything like Stephanie, you love taking care of others. But who takes care of you?
Who Cares for You?
As I finished talking about a few ways I wanted to bless my sick friend, my waiting listener and caregiver to me asked me some questions.
She asked me, “Who cares for you after you care for everyone else? What makes you happy what do you love? What fills your cup?”
I felt a cold chill up my back and my face squirmed and my eyes blinked and I looked up at the ceiling and then around the room. I couldn’t answer the question.
My throat was dry and my mouth wouldn’t open. I had no answer.
But, I thought I did. I kept waiting for my mouth to respond. I just looked at her and she stared at me and said, “You need to answer that. You need to find that answer and be okay with answering it.”
She left the room as I waited for her to finish her business for me.
The question changed me in a way I didn’t expect. I was taken back. I was quiet. My mind kept searching for the answer or answers. Yet, I had no answer. Or so I thought. Nothing. I thought I knew. It should have been easy. I know myself right? I know who I am, I do. I know my purpose, my call, what I like or love. But yet, I couldn’t answer these questions for myself.
I’m a life coach and I ask these questions to my clients. Yet, when it was asked if me I couldn’t really answer it. Why? I didn’t know the answer. But yet I did.
The answer was easy. It was in my heart. It was just hard to say out loud.
3 Self-Care Questions To Ask Yourself
I ask these questions of you as well.
- Who cares for you?
- What do you love?
- What fills your cup?
My answer was simple. But, before I give it to you. Let me explain why it was so hard to answer: I had shame. I was ashamed to still love the things I loved, to admit no one cared for me after I gave out to everyone. I felt some kind of way about it but had never explored that part of my life since divorce. See, the stigma of being divorced, having someone divorce me had snuck up on me and made me feel ashamed to admit some things.
I love, love, love being married. I was so good at it. Keeping my home for my husband and family and my life as a married person gave me joy. I loved grocery shopping and cooking and just being loved by someone special. I had gotten to where in my soul I stopped letting myself love that because I felt I could never have that with him again. And I got sucked in to what society says about “moving on” after divorce.
I kept trying to move on, but my heart didn’t budge. Maybe you have the same situation or something entirely different and your heart is still deeply in love with the person you know you were fated to be with. Maybe you loved your former life and just need to tell it to someone. I didn’t even do that. I let people put me in a box and basically shut that part of my heart down.
The other thing I love is puppies. Silly, I know. But I love puppies and small dogs that stay puppies and because of divorce I can’t have one. Not yet. That hurts. Because I need something to love. To care for.
It’s Okay To Be You
We write here at Candidly Christian in a transparent way to help others of you. We share our souls in hopes that our story or part of our story will heal a reader. That it will touch you in some way to be a better version of you.
I got a wake up call that day with my “random” conversation. I learned it’s okay to love what I used to love and it’s okay to talk about that part of my life. Why? Because it is still a part of ‘my’ life.
Because we have tragedy and pain and have lost much we can still love the things we lost. You can still find love in the lost-ness. Be encouraged. Maybe you need to go back and reevaluate. Answer the questions above. What do you love? What fills your cup? Who cares for you after you have cared for everyone?