I am just wondering how much God will allow before we break.
That is probably going to go down in the book titled “Things I Should Have Never Said”. That quote will go alongside other dangerous things that I have said or thought like, What else can go wrong?, I want Jesus over comfort, and How much more can I handle?.
And I am sure that a bunch of other things that you have said are coming to mind right now.
I am currently sitting on a balcony looking over the city of Kigali, Rwanda. The two weeks leading up to the mission trip we are currently on were trying.
The things that we thought would be a hinderance were not, but everything else was. Hard conversations with no answers, children getting hurt causing us to pray that nothing would happen while we are gone, and then the icing on the cake was when our son Charlie’s dresser fell on him the day before we left. He didn’t get hurt because the dresser drawers caught the weight of the dresser, but I will tell you it was scary to see my son holding a drawer of the dresser that could have crushed him.
The questions What else can go wrong?, and how far will He push us before we break? were at the forefront of my mind.
There was a small part of me that wanted to stay home and let my husband go on the trip. Leaving the children was definitely a step of faith. There was the fear that something would happen to them while we are gone, but the faith that while we were not with them God would have to protect them.
It is funny, because as I sit here in Rwanda I am seeing a bigger reflection of fear and faith, in a city that is incredibly broken yet beautiful. The history is unthinkable, and the poverty is indescribable. As I am looking, I see hills with nice hotels and guest houses, with a valley that includes mud huts with rusty roofs with holes in them. I hear solemn silence and then sounds of songs of victory rising from the valley.
The fine line between all of that is Jesus. Faith and trust despite circumstance. Faith and trust despite what has happened before, and what could happen again.
Are You Ready?
About a year ago I started to hear God asking me if I was ready. Ready for what I didn’t know, but as I have gone through the past year I have found these things that He was asking me if I was ready for.
- Are you ready to take the biggest step of faith in your life?
- Are you ready for that step of faith to stretch your faith farther and wider than you are comfortable with?
- Are you ready to follow me with your whole heart, and not be swayed by what the world says is possible?
- And are you ready to see that God can really give you the desires of your heart as you step out in faith?
- Are you ready to look for answers and not find them in anything but Jesus?
- Are you ready to choose faith, even though everything around you says that you should choose fear?
Those are heavy questions as I reflect on the past year. The questions are heavy because they don’t guarantee comfort. These questions don’t guarantee a happy ending. The decision to risk it all for Jesus, sometimes means that you could be completely uncertain of what your next steps are.
I had a lot of tears when considering what could happen to our children while we are gone. I won’t make the list but it was extensive. I cried myself to sleep for 2 nights. And those tears could have kept me from sitting here in Rwanda today.
If I know anything, it is that God never promises that our children will be safe, He never promises health, and He never promises that nothing will go wrong. There are times when I don’t like that very much, but even though we are not promised that everything will go right, our commitment should be to Jesus first and where He leads, and not in our circumstances and not in the worry of where His path will lead.
Here are a few of His many promises that can help us have faith when fear tells us to run…
- He will never leave or forsake you.
- When you are faithless, He is still faithful.
- He will be with you always, to the end of time.
- And my favorite, that although in this world we will have trouble, that He will overcome the world. That is the best promise.
What Promises Are You Clinging To?
There are so many things in life that try to keep us from following where He leads. I shared some of my favorite promises that I try to cling to when fears seep in. What other of His promises do you cling to when you are battling fear?
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