Learning to See the Awe in My Life

I’m currently sitting in a coffee shop, during my lunch break, asking the Holy Spirit what I should write about. And, honestly, I have no idea.

I’ve been going and going and going and haven’t had the time to think much about writing or anything else. My life has devolved into an unhealthy cycle of many hours of work, few hours of sleep, and time for next to nothing else. When I entered this season that was exactly what I didn’t want to happen, and yet, I find myself back in this workaholic place again. I’ve neglected myself and isolated myself from other relationships because “I’m fine” and “I’m handling things”.

So, as I sit here, I’m wondering what the Lord wants to speak. What only a few weeks ago felt so normal and natural, sitting down to write a blog post about the Lord, faith, or my life, now feels weird and forced. I don’t know what to write about. I’m not entirely sure what the Lord is wanting to convey to me first and then to you reading this. I’m at a loss.

Then I look around.

Life In The Coffee Shop

There’s a row of women to my right working studiously on their laptops. I see their mostly emptied cups—they’ve been here for hours. I recognize the two women at the far end: they’re here every day around this time. I wonder what they’re doing, creating, or studying for.

A family is sitting just ahead of me, the mom and dad both glued to their phones, barely saying a word to each other. Their son fidgets on the chair, pushes around his cup, plays with the toy he had dropped on the floor earlier.

A man is sitting in front of me who looks like he’s had a rough night and just stumbled out of bed. He’s wearing an assaulting amount of cologne, and I have so many questions for him, namely, what are you working on? And why are you wearing so much cologne?

Men and women have come in and out of here to retrieve their afternoon pick me up to keep them going through that afternoon lull. They hustle inside, some of them chatting with the baristas, others on a mission and not caring enough to make small talk.

As I look around, I’m in awe of God.

What A Mighty God We Serve

He created each of these people. He knew their appearance, personalities, dreams, and desires, and made each one for a purpose.

He loves each one of them. Even when they feel unloved, are unloveable, try to hide away, or cling to a coping mechanism like a crutch, his love for them never ends.

He is kindly drawing each one to himself. No matter where they’re at in life, what they’ve gone through, or what they’re going to, he desires a relationship with them.

“That’s how I feel about you.”

Yeah, okay, God. But what about them? Let’s focus on them. They’re so much more interesting.

“I created you. I love you. And I desire a relationship with you. And that’s not ever going to change.”

When My Awe Starts To Flicker…

The truth is that I don’t have it all figured out. I’m a hot mess 98% of the time and am continually questioning. More than that, I easily neglect myself in favor of almost everything else. I will wear my lack of self-care as a badge of honor when, in reality, I’m unintentionally harming myself. It’s not that I think badly of myself, I just don’t think about myself very often, so I neglect me. I don’t think of me as the one who God created and delights in. I forget that I am the one who God loves deeply and passionately. I don’t think of my body, mind, heart, and soul as things worth caring for. And that’s wrong.

Right now, I’m learning to flex my ‘no,’ except that certain things won’t get done and that’s okay, and to lean on others for help when I need. Each of these practical steps stem from the root of understanding that God feels as strongly about me as he does for any of the other people sitting in this coffee shop, working in my building, or attending my church. And, because God loves me, I can take the time to care for myself in little and big ways.

What About You?

What is God currently teaching you?

What is one practical thing you can do to care for yourself this week?

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